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Valentine Special

Avoiding Valentine heartbreaks

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VALENTINE day comes with a lot of surprises for different lovers that end up in heart breaks.  Every valentine comes with high expectation from lovers. With such expectation; there are a lot of things lovers are expecting from their lovers. On that day, everywhere is painted ‘red’ {colour  of love}and that day, the atmosphere is always charged with emotions and sexualities.

There is also no other day in the calendar that condoms sell more than that day. A commentator also recently observed that as February 14 approaches, there is scarcity of shaving stick as some lovers who see the day as a day of having sex with their partners as a sign of love are already preparing themselves for the ‘D’ day, cleaning and shaving all necessary parts of their bodies. Despite all these preparations, many still end up with heartbreaks following the aftermaths.

      Some women naturally don’t think that they owe men the responsibilities of giving them physical gifts. Some just believe that they can offer different styles of sex in special ways that day and while thinking that, they will be expecting the men to give them special gifts for their special services.

Take for instance, a girl might be using a phone that costs N15,000, but this time around, she will be expecting the man to get her the one of N100,000 or that he will buy a car for her but at the end of the day, due to the economic downturn, the man might not be able to meet her demands and that will make her  feel bad and begin to think that her man couldn’t do it for her because he has lost interest in her or is seeing another woman.

This scenario has made the demand for sex very high because most guys are expecting that from their lovers. Coming to the expectations, gifts are expected but these days, girls don’t expect flowers, cards, handkerchiefs and other little gifts that mattered like before. Some girls expect more of material things.

Some don’t expect only what they eat if you take them out but also expect expensive gifts attached to it. Those days when a guy could easily take a lady out, pluck a life flower and give his lady instead of buying it and she will cherish and accept it with all her heart are gone. The most painful thing is that most of these girls that demand or expect very expensive gifts are not doing so because they actually need them but to show off to their friends.

   But the intriguing part of it is that the economic down town has affected so many men in such a way that they may promise a lady a particular gift on Valentine’s Day and at the end of the day, there will be nothing to show for it and this normally brings misunderstanding and heartbreaks between the two parties.

   Some lovers because they are double dating­-having more than one person they claim to be their lovers,  during this season, most of them in order to avoid their numerous lovers  discovering that he or she has more than one person, begin to pick unnecessary quarrels  with the lovers  they don’t want to stay with so that the person  will not come close within the time they will celebrate Valentine and it causes heartbreaks to the victims because the victim might just have him or her as the only lover only to discover that the time when others are expressing love or planning on how to be happier during the celebration, they will be going apart because of one flimsy excuse or the other.

  Recently, the story of two ladies who coincidentally went to print t-shirts as valentine gifts for one particular man evolved. In the printing shop where the clothes were to be done, the first lady came requesting for the attendant to print her boy friend’s photograph on a shirt as special valentine gift for her lover.

Everything turned into a fussy fight when another girl came with another photograph of the same guy. It happened that both girls were dating the same guy who on his part, have been pretending to love them deceitfully. At the end of it all, both girls left the shop heartbroken and disappointed.

Others get heartbreaks when they feel like surprising their lovers by paying them surprise visits only to come in and meet someone else and it will end up in quarrels and fights that have led to their deaths.

   In his response to a question on what should be done to reduce the number of heartbreaks people get during valentine seasons, Ignatius Ihejiofor, who lives within Awka metropolis, said that the feast of Saint Valentine, a liturgical celebration of early Christian saints, had evolved into a yearly expression of love among lovers and loved ones.

   “It’s safe to say that regardless of the fact that it is not recognised as a public holiday in many part of the world, it is one day that can make or break the future of a relationship. The truth is that the day means a lot to many especially the ladies. People world over anticipate the sharing of gifts and public display of affection that special day.

   “For others, it is a time to determine their place in the life of a tentative lover. A disregard for Valentine’s Day may mark the beginning of the end for some relationships. What is interesting is that the commercialisation of the modern day Valentine’s Day is a different thing from the legend surrounding its history. The other thing that baffles me is that from all accounts, the legend of Valentine’s Day strictly records it as a Christian celebration but some people of other faiths have since joined in acknowledging the day in what cross their minds and not giving too much thought to the history.

   “The critics of the celebration of St Valentine’s Day point to the widespread adultery, fornication and general immorality that the day encourages. Some claim it only promotes “surface love” and not the authentic selfless love that may have a point during the end. As a person, I have absolutely no qualms about the celebration of Valentine’s Day as long as it is not taken as a do or die affair and no one is breaking the bank to satisfy their partners.  Never the less, we should see it as the day to show love to our friends and families. Also, we should see it as a good time to give to people who are not in the position to give back.

  “We do not need a specific date to be set aside to acknowledge any important anniversary at all. Christians do not need to wait for Christmas and Easter to appreciate the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ   and also, couples do not need to reach a milestone of five or 10 years to appreciate their love for each and the journey they have shared so far. The same logic is what each and every one of us should apply to avoid valentine heartbreak.”

   Adaobi Akabogu, from Awka said that the modern day Valentine’s Day was known as a day in which families and friends exchange gifts and items to express their love for each other. “During this period, young people who are in special relationships expect some special treatments and attention from their loved ones and love partners. The older people are not exempted from this expectation from their loved ones, but the younger generations are the most vulnerable to this. In most cases some assumed love partners, instead of being passionate, this season raise dust in the air by having unnecessary misunderstanding with their partners just to put them in a confused state of mind to enable them hang out with their loved partners.

  “To curb this unpleasant occurrence, love partners should love less and expect less from their partners during this season and also express less love before Valentine’s Day in order to reduce high expectation of love during the day.”

  Vincent Agunwa, from Awka said that it was important to establish the fact that breakups in relationship during Valentine’s Day is a social issue and even a cankerworm that has actually eaten deep into the fabrics and system of relationships and even courtships in Nigeria and the whole world at large, especially in this contemporary time (21st century).

  “As we warm up to celebrate Valentine’s Day tomorrow, it’s very pertinent to systematically and logically look at some of the causative factors for breakups in relationship during Valentine’s Day and possible solutions to it. These reasons and solutions are discussed side by side below as follows:

 Negative Peer Influence: Anyone that has ever been into a serious relationship should know that a significant third party influence can either be a source of inspiration or an unhealthy drain on the energy of one’s relationship. This takes us back to the idea that who you spend most of your time with, and the type of people you associate yourself with will ultimately define your relationship’s level of growth. It is important to mention the fact that so many relationships have been sacrificed on the altar of negative advice and undue interference from friends and peer groups. Hence people have to be very careful how and when they invite third parties into the umbrella of their relationships. This will go a long way in avoiding any story that might touch the heart.

 Excessive love for money and material things: This is another important reason why breakups in relationships have been on a noticeable increase in recent time. The materialistic tendencies of most ladies nowadays have actually made so many relationships not to see the light of the day. Just imagine a situation where a guy who earns just 50k per month is billed 100k by the girlfriend for Valentine. Its crystal clear that such relationship is definitely heading towards a breakup if the guy fails to meet up with the desires of that lady. Ladies should please put into considerations the financial strength of their partners before making demands if they really want their relationships to last to a reasonable extent.

  Lies and insincerity: This is also another reason why relationships doen’t last these days. Any relationship built on the foundation of lies and deceit will not last. The guys are mostly guilty of this trend (lies and deceit). Let’s just imagine a situation where a guy who earns just 50k as an office attendant in a local firm, deceives an unsuspecting lady into believing that he works in a multinational oil company. The lady will have to call that relationship a quit when she finds out about the financial and moral status of the guy. Guys must learn to be real and shun fake life and lies if we want to see breakup in relationships reduced drastically.

 Inability to define the nature of the relationship: People are quick to start up a relationship without carefully defining the nature of the relationship they want. Any relationship that is not defined will not last. Hence people should always define the nature or the type of relationship they want before venturing into it. For instance, people should figure out if they want a short or long term relationship, a relationship with mutual benefit or not, a relationship that involves premarital sex or not, a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage or not.

  Cheating and double dating: let me start by saying that guys and ladies are guilty of this particular reason for increase in the rate of breakup in relationships. When people fail to stay real, truthful and faithful to their partners in relationships, such relationship will surely not last. You don’t expect someone to stay in a relationship where his or her partner cheats and double dates, because no one wants to share her boyfriend or his girlfriend with another person. Therefore, if cheating and double dating is reduced in relationships, breakups will also be reduced concurrently.

  Going into a relationship out of pity:  This is another reason why we experience incessant breakups in relationships. A lot of people make the mistake of going into relationships with people they do not truly love, but because they felt pity on the guy/girl. Just last week, a friend of mine called and informed me that she is considering going into a relationship with a particular guy, though she doesn’t feel anything for the guy, but because this guy has spent so much money on her, hence she does not know how to turn down the guy’s proposal. So tell me how such relationship will last. Any relationship built on pity and on compassionate ground does not and will not last. So ladies, stop accepting gifts from guys if you don’t love him for real.

“ We all should stop following this age of the social media that create rooms for some people that tend to be more concerned about outshining the other person instead of showing love in the most genuine and truthful way possible. Pictures of flowers, chocolates and gifts are displayed on social media profiles not to appreciate the giver, but to make those unfortunate enough not be in a relationship or who are not privileged to receive what you have.”

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